We need to talk about suicide

We need to talk about suicide Let's speak openly about mental health so those who need help will seek it ith the advent of TikTok, the term "unaliving" has been used as an alternative to "suicide", so users can avoid platform censorship. But no matter what we call it, we are facing a global mental health crisis. Despite this, suicide is still a topic that people shy away from. Families who have experienced the passing of a loved one by suicide can feel shame when speaking about the death; some might even try to hide the cause of death; some may even feel it unnecessary to hold a funeral. The reality is that the less we speak openly about mental health and suicide, the more those affected by suicidal ideation will avoid seeking help. We cannot sweep it under the carpet when SA has Africa's thirdhighest suicide rate with about 14,000 deaths a year. "There's this huge stigma around this perception that a person was unable to face the challenges of life. There's this idea that when someone is suicidal, they are either weak, that they couldn't push through, that they just couldn't do this. This perception has permeated and seeped its way into society," says CJ Nel, a registered counsellor who is involved in Watch Me Rise, a movement created to raise awareness around suicide in SA. "But in the end, we need support structures, we need assistance: However, Nel highlights that seeking psychological help remains taboo in the country, especially among people of colour. Casey Waves, 30, has battled with depression since starting high school. He says he has attempted suicide once and planned another attempt. "Second time I thought of shooting myself. And then, funny enough, my friend called me that same night I was going to shoot myself. It was a Tuesday and he invited me to come and watch the Champions League at his house. I was 'OK, cool, why not'? "I'd already taped the black plastics to the wall. Because I thought, 'you know what, if I shoot myself, it's probably going to make a big mess. So let me try to minimise the mess.' I ended up not doing it." Vanessa Clarke is another suicide survivor and, like Nel, has channelled her passion for helping others into the Watch Me Rise initiative. Clarke has battled with mental health issues since she was a teenager, including bipolar disorder, obsessivecompulsive disorder and anorexia nervosa. "I was, in one year, hospitalised at least six times, just trying to cope with my mental illness. And then it just got worse and worse. I always had the understanding and the knowledge that if I were to attempt suicide, or if I were to die by suicide, it would impact those that I care about most in my life. "I didn't want to go down that road. But after isolating myself extensively, I eventually got to a place where that didn't matter any more. So I took about over 500 schedule 6 medications a massive, massive overdose." ADVOCATE After this attempt, Clarke underwent extensive recovery both physical and psychological by throwing herself into therapy, leaving a toxic relationship and finding a new life purpose, which was to become an advocate for suicide awareness by emphasising the importance of seeking help. "We have to treat mental health as if it is an illness, because that somewhat removes it from the person It helped me feel that I was less broken; I didn't feel like something was fundamentally wrong with me. It was more like I have an illness. The same way that you would treat diabetes or any autoimmune illness, you would take the medication that's required without feeling stigmatised through that process." As Clarke mentioned, she became apathetic about how those who loved her would be affected if she tried to take her own life. Garth Kropman, a cofounder of Watch Me Rise, started the DJ Run initiative as part of the movement, named after his brother who died by suicide. Each year, Kropman and his brother's friends commemorate his brother's birthday with a "DJ Run", where participants run a distance equivalent to the age he would have turned 35 this year . "Obviously at the time, we couldn't understand it. Still to this day, we can't fully understand it But it's something that, through conversations, we can get a glimpse into why it occurred and the things that he was going through." Kropman says that he questioned whether there was anything he could have done to prevent his brother's death. "Is there something that I could have said or given him or shown him that could have made an impact? I've discovered this year that there wasn't much that I could have done. I didn't know any better." Emma Cooper, 30, lost her father to suicide when she was 12. She recalls him being funny, kind and lively and as far as she knew he didn't struggle with any obvious mental health issues while they were growing up. "I didn't go into any therapy or anything and just threw myself back into school and I guess didn't really deal with anything properly. I guess I thought I had but I didn't really face any of it and it was only really when I got to university and ... and I'd been alone and semiselfsufficient for a year when I looked back and thought, 'My goodness, that was a very hectic thing that happened to me at a really young age: LETTING GO OF THAT TRAUMA AND REPLACING IT WITH THE GRATITUDE THAT WE HAD FOR MATTHEW'S LIFE WAS SO IMPORTANT "I think I'd blown it off as something that was obviously sad and I missed my dad but I don't think I fully comprehended how traumatic it was ... how much of a big life event, and how much it impacted me." David and Sarah Hallas are the parents of Matthew, who died by suicide at the age of 26. Matthew was the head of house at Hilton College when he was in school, and Sarah describes him as being loved by many. "We did our best, we tried to fix him, maybe it wasn't the right thing but he also had choices and he chose to kill himself. He wasn't a sixyearold, he didn't get a tumour, he chose to relieve his pain and we chose to respect that which is very difficult to do. I would do it again because I was so grateful to be his mother: David highlights that the pain never goes away but they have learnt to live with it "People often say to Sarah and I 'you guys have coped so amazingly well', but you know that the pain never goes away and I always smile and say 'well no, I'm still sitting with the pain'. "It's like having a crying baby. Sometimes the baby cries and sometimes the baby's still. The pain of losing Matthew never goes but you can learn to respond. If you can learn to respond instead of react then you're on the part to recovery as a parent who's lost a child because our attitude is the very next stamp we put on the next experience we have." GRATITUDE David and Sarah say the stigma around suicide is why it's so important to speak openly about it "That letting go, being able to let go of that trauma and replacing it with the gratitude that we had for Matthew's life was so important And then also, not being afraid to talk to people about suicide, to say, 'you know what my son did commit suicide'. And being open about it because there's still such a taboo:' Cooper emphasises that it's important to change the way we mention those who have taken their own lives by refraining from using the term "committed suicide" and replacing it with "died by suicide". "It's such a small nuance but in one version it's a crime and in another version, someone's died from an illness," she says. While the grief surrounding her dad's loss will always affect Cooper, she believes it has given her a greater capacity to empathise with others. "I think ultimately it's made me a much better person and I have a huge capacity for other people and other people's problems: Sarah says that to overcome the stark mental health concerns that are on the rise, we need to get back to connecting authentically with one another. 'We are feeling disconnected and it is so important to remain connected. We are not meant to live behind closed doors, high walls with our security and all that We're supposed to be living in villages. We're supposed to be able to talk to the neighbour, and go get some sugar from the neighbour:' Nel says mental health care needs to be more accessible and a curriculum that educates the youth about mental health is also necessary. "We can make mental health and mental health knowledge a part of those activities in school. Make people research it make people interact with it. So you've got these basic things that actually don't have to disrupt a lot of the curriculum and just simply change some of the creative writing material, change some of the life orientation curriculum: Waves encourages anyone who is struggling to find what works for them to manage their mental health. "It doesn't feel like it at first It feels terrible. But the main thing is that it's not the end of the road. There's always more out there." If you or anyone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please contact the SA Depression and Anxiety Group Sadag on 0800567567. And remember, there can be no judgment when dealing with human emotions. Help is available. Connecting: Help is available for those struggling with suicidal thoughts. See details at the end of the article. Unsplash Tendani Mulaudzi